A friendly reminder

Unlike most of my post, tonight is just a friendly remark:) 

Since a few of you left rude irrelevant comments- I would like to share with you that negativity thrills me; it is my biggest motivation. I love when people have the courage to give feedback. Whether it’s positive or not. If I make a mistake, tell me, I will learn from it. Every second of the day I think of ways I can improve myself and be the best me. Trying to bring me down is pointless, my mistakes from yesterday are my lessons today.

 I’m honored that you waste your time trying to find error in my blog post instead of thinking of way’s to improve your life. It shows that you care a lot about me, and with that being said maybe you should stop being anonymous, maybe you could grow some courage one day.. Soon I hope, like myself, and reveal who you are. We can talk face to face πŸ™‚ I am sure you would love that πŸ™‚

In the meantime continue to watch me grow and improve, I hope all the best for you. Love yaaaa:))) 

Xoxo,

Typical Stevie.

Once upon a dream…

Some say dreaming is essential to mental, emotional and physical well- being

 “A possible (though certainly not proven) function of a dream to be weaving new material into the memory system in a way that both reduces emotional arousal and is adaptive in helping us cope with further trauma or stressful events.”

Thoughts, regrets, desires, happiness and sadness. Every bottled up emotion is released when I dream. Dreaming paints a picture my mind doesn’t allow me to paint when I’m awake. (The beauty behind the madness) 

With every dream I remember I researched the meaning the next morning. Last night I dreamt my hair grew very long and I was surprised about the length of my hair, but I was also happy with the way it looked. I google the meaning and the results I received was soothing but eye opening. Dreaming about hair can mean a lot of things. For me, some says when you hair grows your confidence has grown too. 

Reading the information about my dream made me reflect on my past. I am grateful for where I am and the confidence I have today. Looking back, my self esteem was low and I just wanted to be perfect. I would look up to other people that I thought had a “perfect life” and wanted to be exactly like them. Not realizing no one is perfect and everyone has obstacles to face on a regular day basis. 

Today I stand tall and proud with confidence and pride. I realize it is okay to make mistakes, it is okay to break down and cry. What makes it not okay is if you continue to make mistakes and not try to improve, if you continue to break down, cry and not pick yourself up and look at the positive side of the situation. 

Believe in your dreams, follow your heart, and trust your instincts. 

  

Stages of the unknown….

Stage one

The fight of the unknown: Every question I am ask upon, my answer is “I don’t know”. Even though I am fully aware.

Every emotion that rises to the surface of my tempered head; I shut down. Even though I analyze it in the late hours of the night when I cannot sleep. Every stare that connects with my eye, I look away. Yet- a moment later, I sharply look directly in the naked eye that once stared me down because I am fully aware of their curiosity in me.

For some odd reason, My mind is always racing. There’s never a slow down, there’s never a break there’s never..ever-

I am customize in most eyes odd, other’s see troublemaker and a few see intelligence and uniqueness. 

For so long I wanted to feel normal again.

 This isn’t me. 

I wasn’t raised like this. Why is my brain allowing me to act like this?

I am always on alert.

I trust nothing. Not even the oxygen that I inhale, and the carbon dioxide that I breathe out…

 But why? 

….For so long I’ve been dreading to write a new blog post.. Something that I created on my own where I can be carefree and express my every thought I have been holding back…

But why? 

Stage two

The white flag has been risen: tossing and turning, venting and crying for months I have finally accepted the changes of my life and my mental state of mind. I am not the old Stevie, it’s time I stop fighting the new me. Every day is a learning process, and I am more and then thrilled to learn something about myself every day now. 

In the pass disappointment and regret ate me up alive. I would turn to deadly temptations to make the suffering go away and always surround myself with people because I was afraid of my dark thoughts- I needed a distraction. I was afraid of the changes in myself and my life. I failed so many times, I was afraid to try again. So I didn’t try at all, I allowed life to continue and my aspirations and goals stay behind.

Stage three 

Victory: After months of confusion, looking around- I realize I am not alone. There are people that believe in me and is inspired by me and most importantly wants to help me. I stop feeling sorry for myself and followed my goals and aspirations. Goals and aspirations that I had once set before my fight with the unknown. I’m taking my life into my own hands, I am telling myself if I do faiI get back up and try again. My head held high I have figured out my career path and how I will get there. Step-by-step, day by day I will achieve and achieve, and achieve until I make it. When I do make it in life, to my liking,  I will set a new goal, chase it and repeat.

The fight of the unknown has been a battle that I thought I would never win. My guard is still up, and I am learning to trust again, my analyzation skills are still in tiptop shape but instead I use such skills positivity. When I am asked a question I give my honest truth instead of shying away from my opinion. I feel free, I feel honest and most importantly relieved. Change may be hard especially if you’re stuck in your ways, but without change you will never grow. 

Enjoy your life, make the best out of your situation and most of all don’t be too hard on yourself. You’ll figure a way out, you’ll succeed. Believe in yourself and never give up on your dreams. 

Xoxo,

Typical Stevie πŸ™‚